(Warning: This is a work of student satire and is meant for entertainment purposes only.)

Since Halloween is over, we are on to the next holiday of the season, Thanksgiving. I think we can all agree that Thanksgiving can be difficult to handle, whether it be pesky family members or suspicious looking food. Whatever the problem may be, Thanksgiving can often feel like a nightmare. Here are some tips and tricks on how to survive the holiday.

Tip #1- Do you hate cooking for Thankgiving, and I mean HATE cooking? If so, I have the perfect tip for you. Simply stay away from the kitchen and ignore anyone that asks you to help cook. Even if they walk up to you and ask if you can cook, simply stare off into space and walk away. Trust me, it works most of the time. If that does not work, you could always chop off your hands, then you really cannot cook. However, keep your hands on ice until you can go to the emergency room. **A potential downside to this is that you could have permanent nerve damage. But is that a small price to pay?**

Tip #2- We all have that one little cousin that constantly tries to bother you at Thanksgiving. They usually try to get us to play with them, or they constantly ask, “You got games on your phone?” If this happens to you, I have the perfect solution for you to use. Whenever that little cousin comes near you, simply kick them. Yes, that is right, kick them. If they get mad, tell them you are playing a game with them. Tell them they are the football and you are a punter on a football team, and it’s time for the field goal.

Tip #3- At Thanksgiving, family members can often ask really personal questions that we do not always like to answer. Whenever they ask things like “How’s college going?”, “Do you have a significant other yet?”. “What are you going to do with your life?” or “Have you gotten that strange mole looked at yet?”, we all die a little bit inside. So, right after they ask a personal question, excuse yourself to go to the bathroom. Then lock yourself inside the bathroom and scream or cry. I find that this is always a good solution, just make sure nobody goes near the bathroom, for they might ask even more personal questions.

Tip #4- Do your Thanksgiving dinners involve too much politics? Then this is the perfect tip for you! Whenever that one family member tries to start a political conversation, try breaking out into song and dance like you’re a character in High School Musical. Beware. This may make them start to think that you’re mentally ill and will consider throwing you in the looney bin. On the plus side, if you are thrown into a mental hospital, you won’t be able to attend Thanksgiving anymore! Either way, problem solved.

Whatever ails you this Thanksgiving, try using these tips to help make your Thanksgiving just a little bit better. Hope this helps you and that you have a Happy Thanksgiving.