It can happen to anyone in an instant. A person can be walking down the hall on his or her way to class when all of a sudden the pedestrian gets stuck behind a slow moving group of students spanning the length of a human barricade. Calmly, the person turns to retrace a couple of steps in order to take an alternate route, but yet another group, unbeknownst to him or her, suddenly materializes behind, blocking any hope of escape.

The walker is now at the mercy of this sudden entourage of disorganized, distracted, and dawdling students. They know better than to resist the herd of students, for one wrong move could send him or her into a panicked scramble that may envelop other innocent students into the mix. Instead, they slug along with the rest of the crowd hoping that someday they will make it to their respective classes.

To anyone not affected by this crisis, it may sound a little far-fetched, but I can assure you that it is a real problem. Not only are these groups inconvenient, but they also waste time out of the day, and in some cases can get someone an absence or tardy in class. These demerits can add up over time and before one knows it, he or she gets dropped from class and the dreams of becoming a biochemical engineer, doctor, or a mediocre journalist are over!

In such an extreme case, one would think to kindly ask the person in front of him or her who is sending a Snapchat if he or she may scoot past them real quickly, but this is the most dangerous move a person can ever make. Obviously, it must be an extremely important message, because it requires so much brain power that the hallway hog completely disregards the world around him or her in order to send it. In this case, any attempts to politely ask to get around this impediment or any sudden movements to find one’s own way around may pull the snail’s pace walker back to reality too quickly sending him or her into shock. Not only would this be a serious dilemma for the people on their phones, but now the path is blocked by this immobilized person for what could be hours.

During the first week of the 2018 semester, a group of sociologists were invited onto campus in order to analyze and resolve the situation. Unfortunately, we are just now receiving the results of their findings due to the fact that they were stranded in a hallway all this time surrounded by a group of students debating on what Instagram filter they should use.

Their studies show that at an early age, students were told to walk on the “right side of the hall” as in the direction corresponding to the way they are facing; however, students must have interpreted the “right” side of the hallway to mean whichever side has the “right” amount of light to take an amazing selfie, or the “right” size to fit four friends walking shoulder-to-shoulder.

Upon changing such habits, students will find that walking on the right side of the hall opens up a world of possibilities. Now, if a student is walking a little more slowly than the pace that is ideal for him or her, he or she can politely walk around the slower person, leaving enough space as to not interfere in his or her endeavors. Students would be making it to their classes on time without fear of being impeded by sloths.

With such an advanced system working in our favor, our college will be running much more efficiently than it ever has. Now all that is left to do is properly educate people on how to hold the door open for others, and then the students of Allen Community College will be living in civilized society.